When a loved one dies, the world changes. According to psychologist Sherry Cormier, one way to cope is to look for certainty. According to David Kessler, founder of grief.com, a website that helps people navigate the unknown realms of grief, the need for such a rescue is likely one of the reasons “Five Stages of Grief” has been so popular for over 50 years. high. “On Grief and Grief” was co-written by Kessler and the late Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross.
Kübler-Roth, a Swiss-American psychiatrist and pioneer in the study of dying people, in her 1969 book “On Death and Death” proposed a patient-centered pattern of death adaptation known as the “five stages of sorrow”. . Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance are the stages.
According to Kessler, there is grace in denial. Because we cannot register the entire pain, shock and disbelief of our loss in a single moment or day, the pain spreads over time. Denying in a literal or dysfunctional sense is convincing yourself that a dead loved one is still alive, but he added that not understanding the loss for a period of time is healthy and not something you need to overcome right away.
If you’re struggling with overwhelming denial, bereavement trauma expert and consultant Cormier suggests you stop resisting the reality you’re presented with.
According to Kessler, another natural response to loss is anger, and anger can be directed at the cause of death, the dead, the god of your religion, yourself, or the randomness of the universe.
“Anger protects the body from pain. That’s how we express our pain,” he said. “At that point, people are free to express their anger in a healthy way, and they understand that it is not harmful.” Depending on how your loved one died, and as tragic as your loss was, admitting that it wasn’t your fault is one way to overcome the guilt and anger associated with accusations.
“The truth is, the family mortality rate is 100%,” he said. Everyone will eventually die, but our minds cannot comprehend this.
Kessler advocated healthy ways to express anger, such as “worry yoga,” yelling in a car, hitting a punching bag, running, or other forms of exercise.
According to Kessler, after-loss bargaining often involves a “what if” statement that centers on regrets about what you did or didn’t do before the person died. According to Kessler, we live in a world where bad things happen despite our best efforts.
Depression, also known as extreme sadness, begins when a large loss begins to have a greater impact on a person’s life. Perhaps your sadness lasts forever, you withdraw from life, or you question the value of living alone.
According to Comey, sadness affects people differently. She knows people who aren’t depressed in the first year after a loss, but become depressed in the third year. Why? For a brief period, she explained, some people can believe that a loved one is on vacation and will be back.
5. Acceptance Acceptance
does not mean that the death of a loved one is okay.” It simply means that I have accepted the new reality of my life. I am a single widow. I have no relationship with anyone anymore. “I don’t have any parents I can call anymore,” said Comey, author of ‘Sweet Sorrow.’ “After grief and loss, she finds lasting wholeness.” “After the death of her husband and immediate family.”
Grief doesn’t end with acceptance. According to Kessler, you can take in the many little moments of your life, such as making plans and attending a funeral.